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AkwardOblivion
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Name: Nathan
Country: United States
State: Colorado
Metro: Colorado Springs
Birthday: 2/25/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: I like to breathe. That's always fun. I also enjoy long walks on the beach and being near my loved ones. I also enjoy video games. Those are always entertaining. All my friends have something wrong with them, so i guess I like social disorders too.
Expertise: I am an expert at almost everything. To be honest, I don't think there is a single person better than me at anything...sorry guys. I am also a hottie. And modest to boot.
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Media
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Akward Oblivion
Member Since:
2/17/2005
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| I was actually going to wait until march sixteenth to update because, woah, that'd be one year!? But upon reflecting on ALL my previous posts from when I activly kept this Xanga, I went from "you know what, I'm just going to put the past behind me and continue evolving from the person I was at the end of senior year" to "Holy shit, I've changed that much!?" So I opted to make a quick post. I honestly don't know who the hell still has a subscription to this xanga. Not only have I not written in it in eons, but it seems the Xanga as a whole is dead. Many people that were blogging before college gave it up all together and traded the phase in for some frivolous nights of drinking and premiscuous sex. I'm not even sure those two things share the same face value...? Not that a blog is required to catch everyone up on my current situation, but since my last post here I've joined the Army and not taken any measures to make new friends. I guess my head is still stuck in Senior year (and despite the evidence on this xanga supporting the idea that I was an unhappy teenager, I really was quite content with the way things were). These days, you ask any of my friends that are still enrolled in college (all of them, sans Mason and Zach), they'll tell you they're much happier now. Well, honestly I think I would be too if I lived in a house/apartment with my BFFs. Yes, I used BFFs like a seventh grade school girl. Fuck you. Anyway, and damn I do realize I get off track easily, I left College in hopes of supporting my mother who needed some help financially. However, I also left for some rather selfish reasons and only opted to go back to school four or so days after it was too late. In fact, I still owe CSU money, but I'd rather hump a malfunctioning toaster than pay the bastards that work adminstration there. Bastards. BASTARDS. Anyway, jesus christ that's like six times now, I'm in sunny (um, actually the skies constantly look like death here. I see the sun maybe twice a month. And when I say death I mean the mentally disabled brother of death that collects stamps and slinkys). My Job rocks though, in theory. I'm a Broadcast Journalist- which means I film the goingons of the Post and surrounding area I live in and produce news stories for the newscast here. For Tv. I'm a fucking rockstar, I tell you! Other than that, I'm a DJ for the radiostation here, where I play the exact same bullshit everyday- which includes but is not limited to: Nickelback, Avril Laviegn, The Killers and Justin Timberlake. On the rare occasion I slip in a song of my liking, lets just say a tune from ben folds or Radiohead, punitive action is taken against me. Fur Realz. As far as my social life here...Don't have one, really. Everyone here is a drunken idiot. I like to drink every now and then (expecially if I don't cry while intoxicated...which I've been known to do occasionally), but the rate at which soldiers here drink is just disgusting. And don't get me wrong, I know why they do it- To escape the dullness of everyday life here, but christ! When you have 1,000+ soldiers enrolled in ASAP (Army Substance Abuse Program) in Europe, something if fucking wrong. Get your head out of your ass, private. My co-workers are alright. I'm usually too busy to converse, but when I try my humor tends to go over thier heads. Most of the time I don't even try to be me. I try to be Al Frankin. They can reprimand me for the kinds of things I used to say and do in high school. and OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I can't wait til I'm 24, out of the army and have my hair back! Woot! Hmmmm... Things back home seem to be flowing smoothly without my presence. Not that I thought things would come to an immediate halt with me not being there, but I was hoping that...I dunno, somebody would get thier finger caught in a car door and scream "FUCK I WISH NATE WAS HERE!!!!!!" Or at least think of me when watching The Vagina Monologues. Christmas was hard, and next weekend is my birthday. That'll be interesting. I wonder just what it is I will do with my time off next Sunday. Most likely I will sit in my room, crying, drawing pictures that compares my life decisions to Britney Spears career. lqtm. I shot down a helicopter with my laser vision. And by laser vision I of course mean intense glaring skillz. And by helicopter I mean a nine year old girl wanting my autograph after seeing me on T.V here. ...wow. Okay, I guess that provides an adequate update. I do wonder, though, how many eyes will stumble upon this? My bet...two. my left and right ones, respectfully. | | |
| Tonight I watched Arrested Development with Matthew, hung out with the Athertons, and began plotting a sitcom. AD has inspired me that much.
Only thirteen days left until kingdom hearts 2. the countdown begins now!
Also, I will be gona an entire week (half of the spring break time for the boulder kids) to go and visit Mason for his graduation. Though no one cares, I thought I would mention this.
I met a girl at the Poor Richards cafe tonight. She played a mean guitar...and agreed to help with the soundtrack for the sitcom. Looking forward to seeing if I can pull it off or not. please, please let it work. | | |
| God doesn’t want me to drive…at least not legally.
My mother had a Blazer a long time ago. It was fairly new; all paid off and…it was wonderful. We could go camping in it! It was a great car, and for an entire year it seemed like it was going to be the car I would learn to drive in. Well, around that time, my mother started her business “My Girl Friday”- a Personal concierge service. So, after having the wonderful Blazer for only a year, my mother decides that it just doesn’t give off the image she wants portrayed by her business. My father, wanting to work things out (sort of) with my mom when things began getting shaky, told her he would help her get a different car (she’s been through 6 or so cars in the last decade). The trend setting new vehicle during 2002-2003? Those god awful P.T. Cruisers. Everyone had to have one…and it had to be the poster car for My Girl Friday, LLC. She traded it in.
The plan failed. A divorce soon followed, causing my mother to give up her business and find a new home. Her income was low, and she could not afford payments on such a vehicle. It was repossessed and she was left without transportation.
Now, when my mother made the switch from Blazer to P.T. Cruiser, it also meant that I had to switch from learning on an automatic to learning on a standard, stick shift. I sucked at first. For the first week, I had problems getting just through the neighborhood…but in time, I learned to love the system and disregarded the olden days of having the car shift for me. In fact, the car my father bought for my use some day was a stick shift. Twas a gorgeous vehicle! A 1993 Chevy S-10 pick-up truck! It ran great, the motor was pretty new and everything worked on it (minus a radio. My father made one…kinda). Oh, I was so happy!...and yet…how ill fated that car was…
Both of my parents refused to help me with car insurance, even when they were together it was decided that I would pay for my own insurance. When I saved up enough to make payments monthly, they refused to put me on their plans…afraid I would affect their insurance somehow. Basically, I was fucked. With no real use for the S-10, my mother began using it. It annoyed my father, but I was somewhat apathetic since I wasn’t able to use it anyway. Well, she used the car for a year or so…and on New Years Day 2005, A reenactment of Rams butting heads took place downtown near the General Health clinic. The right side of my car was diminished, and the car that had struck it was fairly totaled. The girl driving had made an unprotected left turn and my mother couldn’t avoid it. On one hand, I was extremely irritated at the fact that the car that had been presented to me as a gift was now ruined…but I was also full of pride. My truck had punished that other car and come away with only body damage to the right side. With his eye dangling from its socket, I dubbed him Big Boss. Not having a car in High School, though…really sucks. Imagine having to be picked up for prom by your date. It sucks. Really...sucks.
My mother soon saved up enough money to buy herself transportation. She spent 1,000 dollars on a little ford escort, wagon edition. It’s purple, and no one likes it ‘cept her. Because of the fact we could have been driving a Blazer, but were given a new character that was so effeminate…It was called Raiden.
I’ve been driving Raiden for a while now, due to the fact that Big Boss isn’t registered or insured. When I’ve had to use Raiden, my mother yells at me. A lot. “my car…you’re uninsured…yada yada”…It takes a lot out of me to contain my frustration. I don’t want to yell at her for Big Bosses condition, as it wasn’t her fault…but still. All of this is one big consequence of bad decisions.
ANYWHOBERWHATSIT- I’ve been in town working now for a couple of months…and I’ve finally saved up enough to get an insurance policy of my own. I went yesterday and put the first two months down on Big Boss. I went to my fathers house, where we smoothed out some of the worse spots….we put a new headlight in (though it points almost directly down…), and made some minor adjustments….passenger side door still wont open but…It’s drivable! I was going to be able to have my very own transportation for the first time in…ever! However, today- the day I was to have an emissions test and get Big Boss registered- tragedy struck. I was on my way to the nearest fuel pump…as Big Boss was very thirsty and hadn’t had a drink in a looooooong time. So, I’m taking him to the Loaf and Jug on Austin Bluffs and Old Farm. He’s shaking bad, and I know he’s on his last leg. I stop at the stoplight, and he dies. I moved him off the road and made several trips across the street to Loaf and Jug to get him fuel, but he still won’t start.
Could this be the end for Big Boss??
My father came and helped me tow Big Boss to his house. His fuel pump is busted and needs to be replaced, which will probably take all of Saturday (figures…my days off are never “days off”). It's terrible, too, because the more these things keep happening to me, the more discouraged I get. How much more will can I have left in me after all of this!? Meh...can't dispair...
Hopefully we’ll have him up and running before the Strokes Concert.
…Hopefully.
*cue music*
Duh Duh Duh Duh Duh…DUH DUH DUH!
Paramedic: Snake? Snake!? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!?
...Continue? | | |
| I don’t feel the need to sleep…I’m going to kick my ass for this tomorrow…
Nate’s life: Post the worst decision he’s ever made.
I’m so completely lost for words as to how’ve I’ve felt these last few months…I thought I was depressed up in Fort Collins but it pails in comparison to the life I’m leading here in the Springs. I have no one here. I’ve become so detached from everything that not even my mom wants to hang out with me. How weird is that? I spend what little free time I have filling notebooks with ideas for movies and music…and I never make anything out of these ideas. I frantically look for something to attach myself to, as there is nothing to really have fun with here anymore, but I can’t seem to find anything worthwhile. I left Fort Collins with the intention of going back in the fall…but things look grimace at the moment. If things don’t flesh out the way I need them to, I may end up following my brother’s shadow on into the military.
WORK:
I hate them. I watch these sad, 50-year-olds take orders from zit faced 17 ear old managers and think to myself Is that what I’m going to amount to? I feel like I’m the kid you say “oh yeah? You’ll be bagging my groceries to someday, pal” to. I don’t bag, though, I slice meat in the service deli and cook chicken in the food to go corner. I told Alexis that I worked at a restaurant as a cook, but only because I’m so ashamed of what I amount to without her…without some sort of substance in my life. I need some sort of direction, but have no one to kick my ass into gear.
There is this kid at work named Ian. He’s seventeen, I think…and, anyway, he’s really energetic. No matter what’s going on, he pinpoints the humor in it and exploits it. In a tight, uncomfortable hallway- he playfully grabs your buttocks and makes it seem like he’s just trying to get by. He makes jokes in bad taste- on purpose- just to act like woody allen and try and cover it up. He makes people laugh at work. I go into work and I stay quiet. I don’t speak to the customers more than I have to, and I always try and busy myself with work, even if it’s menial and redundant. If people try and bounce a joke off me, I awkwardly crack a smile and turn a shoulder to them. No matter who it was, new people or old friends, I used to be Ian.
Concerning the friends that I still hold dear:
MASON: God I’m excited to see him when he graduates basic training…but I’m also a little frightened. I mean, Mason and I have always been on the same page with almost everything…and now he’s got himself a whole different view on life and a continuing page of life experiences I’ll never know…and that’ll never include me. Mason is going to be a different person- a different man when he finishes basic. After that he’ll go to California and learn to talk like the Arabs do. He’ll jump from airplanes, study ancient texts and experience an independent life. I live with my mother and slice deli meat. How do those two even compare? Will he still call me his best friend at the end of the day? I’ve neglected sending him the massive letter I’ve written him. I just keep adding to it. He writes me every couple of weeks, but I’ve yet to send the letter. Why am I so afraid? I took a week off work to see him for a couple hours. Then the next time I see him might not be till Christmas. God I fucking hate the thought of that. I’ll send the letter on Monday…
MATT: It’s hard to put Matt’s loyalty into words. We bicker a lot, but he’s always backed me up, even when he felt what I was doing was idiotic. I guess in that sense he’s been like an older brother, too. He recently made another indie film: Toilet Trained and Dumb. He did it to submit to a festival on campus, but it was cancelled and thus just became another neat project he’s put out. He’s doing well up at CSU. He’s made a lot of friends and always seems to have his hands full engaging in new and exciting things. That’s what I should have done, really. I didn’t get myself into any activities or make the real effort to meet new people. I feel so stupid...
WILL: Will and I still see a bit of each other every now and then, but mostly we just talk online. He’s heard me bitch about all the this’s and that’s of my current situation…He, like Matt, is doing well in school. Up at Boulder he’s enrolled in some type of taekwon do league. He recently went to an out of state competition…which is really neat. He’s awfully encouraging, and whatever I do, I don’t want to let him down. He’s put a lot of emotional support into me.
I’ve sort of fallen out with everyone else. I just kept pushing the blame on everyone else, but really it’s my fault. “Take responsibility!” I shout at the managers at work. “Take your own advice!” the voices in my head respond.
So much more to say yet…only a few hours of sleep are allowed left before work at 7:30.
I’ll try and update more but…there’s never much to say. | | |
| derrrr...strange.
So as usual, I've been thinking of the strangest things. For instance, Nick and I chatted about the end of the world. His pesimistic veiws weren't enough to change my ideals about the future, but it did get me thinking. How many more ice cream flavors can we dish out before that time?? Super honey dripped gummiworm chocoseizure sundae surprise!? With characters from the film Shrek 2 advertising it? deal me in!!
This whole last couple of days were just...random fun. "I like my zombies like I like my women...ON FIRE!"...yeah, where did that come from, Zach? strangest film catchphrase ever, outside of "yatzee!"...context permitted.
I'm trying to do my first grown up activity and booka flight for next summer, but wow, this is hard! especially since I currently have no money! This should change now that I have the important job of picking roots from soil and processing seeds from indeginous plants, which has to be done just right or you could end up doi... (zzZZZzzZzzzZZZzzzZZzzZzzZZZzzzZzzzzZZzz)
...oops. So yeah, should have money for the trip in a little while.
If at all possible, go listen to Bruce Springsteen. He's another person I really want to meet.
So um..hope everyone's day went well. | | |
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